Remember how they said Barrack Obama was a community organizer, and therefore was fit to run for office? Well let me tell you how my older brother is a community organizer, and also fit to run for office. Derek was a funny kid, but we all were in my family. I’m not bragging, but we did some funny stuff when we were younger. What happened to us? Now we are just obnoxious, I don’t get it. But this is one of those stories from our childhood that is infamous in our family, and will be FOREVER. I’m not even involved in this one, I mean I’m sure I was crawling around somewhere, drooling on the carpet or something, but that’s as much as I will be mentioned in this story. So Derek, he was probably around five or six years old, I'm actually not sure, but those numbers sound about right. He had a few loyal friends in the neighborhood, and they decided to make a club.
I’m sure Josh Alvord, our next door neighbor, wanted to be the leader. I mean hey, he was the only kid on the block with a swimming pool, and in their house above their kitchen there was this big wooden ladder that led up to a loft under the sloping roof that made an awesome club house. It was indoors, it had carpet, and we were a climb down the ladder away from the pantry. Only problem was his leg-humping Pug named Pookie. Granted, it was only a Pug, but let’s be honest, when that little sucker latches on to a little kid’s leg its going to take the whole gang to get him off, especially if he is determined to love your leg. So that put a damper on Alvord leading the club.
I don’t know how it happened, or how he got the idea, but Derek was ready to make a play for Club Leader. So one day he took them all down to one of the construction sites of some of the homes being built in the neighborhood. It was a small tight knit area; all of us in the area went to church together. It was kind of like Cheers, everybody knew your name, but there was a lot less alcohol. So Derek wanted to get away from prying eyes to solidify his spot as club leader. Thinking back on it, it reminds me a bit of a gang initiation. Not necessarily like jumping someone into a gang, or making new members commit a crime to be one of them. Nothing so sinister, but the principle behind this is the same. You see, the way I understand it, a gang makes new members commit a crime to gain entry for a few reasons. 1. To make sure the new member is hardcore enough. I mean, you can’t have a bunch of sissies joining your gang. 2. To get them active in the group. Once you commit a crime, I am sure it a lot harder to get out, because you are now officially a criminal. Well, Derek’s initiation to his Club was to get them all doing something together, to make them feel they were IN. But it was a lot less violent, and A LOT less hygienic.
Rewind to my brother walking to the construction site. In his hand he clutches a little bucket from our sandbox out back. Or maybe he just found one there at the site, but I like to think that this thing was premeditated. He has a determined look on his face. He knew that if he could pull this off, he would be leader for sure. When they arrived at the site he tells all the little kids to form up in a circle around him, as he sets the bucket in the middle of the circle. It was intense. He then proceeded to explain that to enter into the club; each and every one of them would have to go Number 2 in the bucket. This is where my brother’s community organizing skills came into play. He had charisma, he had style, and he had convinced all of these kids to poop in the bucket. But like any leader worth his salt he went first, which also proved he was kind of a sucker, but I digress. Luckily, before this thing got out hand, and extremely disgusting, they found out that their initiation spot was not nearly as secluded as they thought. My mom got a phone call from Stephanie from across the street (cause lets be honest, Stephanie was like that) asking if my mom knew where Derek was and what he was doing at that moment? When my mom said no, Stephanie went right ahead and ruined initiation by telling my mom that Derek was pooping in a bucket at the construction site. I don’t even think my mom hung up the phone, and she probably set the record for the 100 meter sprint as she went to put an end to the madness. Let us just say that the club did not last long and rather than solidifying the group as a whole by doing this thing together, my brother was the only one who actually ended up pooping in the bucket. But if you ask him to this day, he will tell you it was worth it. It is also important to recognize that D Rock had convinced these kids to poop in that bucket, they were just as committed to this thing as my bro was.
What is the point of all of this? It is this; If Derek could organize our community of friends and convince them all to poop in a sand bucket for the good of the Club, then I’d say he is a true community organizer. One who can organize people, get them doing the crappy jobs. (Pun intended) Derek Smith for President: 2012.
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